


That's Not Punk Rock

by LadyLondonderry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Punk, Ficlet, M/M, White Eskimo, thats about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3423986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLondonderry/pseuds/LadyLondonderry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis are in a band. They're very punk rock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Not Punk Rock

“That last jump was way too high.”

“Shut your face.”

“It was! You’re not in the olympics. Calm the hell down.”

“If we were in the olympics I wouldn't be doing a wonderfully choreographed solo that required an especially tall and graceful jump.”

“If we were in the olympics you would probably be dead by now by trying to incorporate a horribly timed and under-practiced jump into whatever figure skating routine you’d have come up with.”

“Curling.”

“What?”

“If we were in the olympics, I would be on the curling team.”

He would be a professional curler, easily one of the greats. Harry always knew that if his future as a punk rocker ended prematurely, he could take up a living as part of the national curling team. Screw everything, just because he hadn’t played the game before doesn’t mean he wouldn’t wreck all and take home the gold.

Louis eyed him with a scowl. “You’d be kicked off the team for some sort of inappropriate action, like trying to kiss the prime minister or set the opposing country’s flag on fire.”

“Can’t get kicked off the team if I don’t get caught. At least I would have made it onto the team; you put so much alcohol in your system on a nightly basis that you’d be lucky if they kept you on long enough to do your characteristic drunken belly flop. You know, the one that ends with you passing out in the crowd?”

“You’re an ass and that was one time.”

“You’re a dick and that was three times plus the one that you actually remember.”

“You would never make it out of the country to get to the olympics; remember when they revoked your passport?”

“Yeah, because you were already devouring the duty free we bought and decided to tell them about the plot I jokingly made up to expose all of MI-5’s world domination plans.”

“At least I’m not the one who, joking or not, made plans to expose my own government. Jesus, pick that side after you turn expat, not before.”

He huffed in annoyance, crossing and uncrossing his arms and blowing fringe out of his eyes. “I’m going to tell the club we play at tonight that you’re in rehab and not to serve you anything.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“You got my passport taken away!”

“You can’t decide to blame that on me now! That was almost a year ago!”

“I’m still upset I’ll never get to see the Eiffel Tower. What if White Eskimo gets famous? We’ll never get to tour outside of the UK and it’ll be your fault!”

“We can get another singer. One who doesn’t threaten life and limb at every freaking concert by  
jumping high enough to crack through the ceiling.”

“So what if I jump high?” He’s almost shouting at this point. Louis' not his mum for Godssakes.

“You almost slipped! I saw you! If you’d have landed wrong you would have hit your head on that mic stand and we would have been out a singer for weeks!’’

“That’s ridiculous! We can’t even get famous enough to leave the country since I’m stuck here until they officially take me off the government watch list, who cares if I end up in the hospital for a few days? That’s punk rock!”

“That’s punk-” he stops and shakes his head. “No. Punk rock is crowd surfing and too much eyeliner. Braining yourself on your mic stand is stupid and dangerous.”

“Stupid and-” he stops and thinks over his words for a moment, digesting their meaning. Then he punches Louis in the arm. “You dick!” he slaps him in the face. “You asshole!” he goes for a crotch shot but Louis shies away, seeing it coming (for once). “You absolute menace to society! If you wanted to tell me you cared about me, you didn’t have to insult my jumping abilities!”

Louis ducks another punch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just don’t want to have to cancel another tour date because you’ve managed to get a guitar pick up your fingernail.”

“That was a sick fight and the pictures are on facebook now,” Harry says, momentarily distracted. Pausing for a moment, he thinks something over. “Okay, you can take me on a date this Friday. As long as you don’t get smashed beforehand.”

“I’ll definitely get smashed.”

“Yeah, but afterward. That’s punk rock.”

**Author's Note:**

> [LondonFoginaCup](londonfoginacup.tumblr.com) on Tumblr, and the fic post is [here](http://londonfoginacup.tumblr.com/post/159215457789/thats-not-punk-rock-ladylondonderry)


End file.
